I so wanted this to be a good book, but ended up with very mixed feelings. The author, Max, is getting married, but doesn’t have anyone to pick as Best Man. Thus begins an odyssey exploring friendship - specifically the friendships largely experienced by men(*).
On one level, this is a book about the problems of loneliness and lack of close friendships. There are some real issues here - for example when someone’s friendship group consists mostly of people from work, local clubs, or as parts of friendships with other couples that their partner largely manages. There is a real issue of loneliness that can be experienced when life changes remove these friendship groups (leaving work, moving home, breaking up with a partner). And for many people, the maintenance of friendships outside of these contexts is something that doesn’t come naturally, and therefore is often missing.
Some of the reasons for these crises are explored, and the book is very well researched, with extensive footnotes and endnotes, and features conversations with experts in every area. There are some genuinely perceptive observations about the nature of friendships, and the issues some people find in initiating and maintaining them. There are some very good examples of organisations that exist specifically to address these issues (for example, the various ‘sheds’ initiatives).
There is a lot of insight here, and I could relate to a lot of what was discussed.
The other side of the book is the author’s personal journey through his own friendships. This is told through the lens of trying to identify a best man for his upcoming wedding, and works as a vehicle to explore the issues I’ve mentioned above. But at the core of it, this feels like a “my diamond shoes are too tight” problem, as it turns out that Max has a significant circle of friends that he’s just fallen a bit out of touch with - there are 150 guests at his wedding. The search for a best man also acts as a story arc that tries to bind the book together, with the inevitable happily-ever-after ending. As the book came to a close, I found this to be glib and smug, as the author almost lords his newly rejuvenated group of friends over the reader.
So a mixed bag of useful insight and smug self-satisfaction. At the end of the book I ended up feeling worse rather than better, which I think means that the book seriously missed the mark. The 3 stars are for the genuinely useful content.
(*) I'm not going to comment on the gender issues here. I suspect that many people will identify with the type of friendships the author is describing in the book. The author also attempts to address this in a paragraph “A Quick Note from Max” at the beginning of the book.
My rating: ★★★☆☆
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